Out with the old

Out with the old and in with the new. My weekend was busy, but not full of anything overly eventful. The most exciting thing that happened was I finally found and bought a new bag! I’m so super excited. This beautiful Tory Burch is my new summer bag and I’m lovin it!

I think one of the best parts of the buying experience is what O&G did. They had been amazing and patient all night. After I paid the sales clerk, she was handing me my bag and G announced “I just farted!” in a very loud and proud voice. Then O started sniffing her nose and declared “EWWWWW I CAN SMELL IT!!!” in Saks Fifth Avenue. That was a lovely and quite embarrassing moment, but hey one I will never forget. Those two are all kinds of funny.

Happy Monday! I am so ready for summer break!

Ridiculousness

There are some days moments that I want to throw in the towel and throw away my Mom hat. There are some moments that are just so ridiculous and suck so much that I just don’t even want to be a part of them.  I think about calling Kelly and just walking the eff away. But then I remember that everything I love in my life would be gone and that sucks ass even more.

I feel like I’m failing at life right now. I have all these balls in the air and I can’t seem to juggle them all the same way at the same time. Something always drops.

What frustrates things even more is when I get attitude. I guess I missed the parenting manual that says after all the crying and sleepless nights comes the serious attitude with a side of back talk but hey at least you are sleeping.

It feels like nothing I do with O anymore is ever correct. Nothing is what she wants to hear. On Wednesday she got off the bus and it was pouring rain. Because I was saying goodbye to one of the babies she walked into the house with her wet shoes on. After I said goodbye, I said hello to her and then asked her to take her shoes off because she was making the floor wet. She took off her shoes by the door and then said “Oh no I hope I don’t have to take them to the garage.” We keep our shoes in the garage because we no longer have a mud room. She knows this and does this same routine EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. When I reminded her that taking her shoes to the garage was her responsibility she took her shoes and started hitting them together while walking through the house saying “looks like I’m getting water everywhere!” Seriously!?!? WTF?!?! I couldn’t even respond. Why is there such a backlash in something she knows she has to do every day?

Was it the babies? Was it me? Was she having an off day? Whatever it was I hate it. It wasn’t just that moment- there are too many moments to share. 

Then there are moments where G asks me to put fairy wings on her Barbie Doll. I already tried once and it is the last thing I want to try again, but I do it anyway. And that G she cheers me on and actually says “you can do it Lindsay.” I did eventually get the wings on and you know what it felt good- I actually did something right. Then she lost a Barbie shoe and the BS started all over again.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I sure hope so because I feel like I have had my fare share of bad days lately.  Thank God for the weekend! At least my husband will be around to share in the Miserere.  On a positive note Kelly and I get to enjoy a date night tonight with two great friends. It should be a blast and it is something I have been looking forward to all week- that and Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. Love it!

Happy Friday!!!

O&G Making Memories

G had a Girl Scout event a little while back and it was a chance for us to hang. I was much more involved with O’s stuff at this age than I am with G’s, so it’s really nice to be able to hang back and watch her interact with all her people. G is such a social butterfly. She has no hold backs when it comes to making friends and she is so comfortable in her own skin. She is the kid who will chose to play alone because she wants to play with blocks while everyone else wants to do a puzzle. She knows what she wants when she wants it and it is not afraid to go for it. I love that about her. At the GS event I got to see her in action. G has a little girl in her troop that has a disability. She uses a walker to help her get around. She is the sweetest little girl. When her Mom asked if I was okay watching her daughter outside I of course said yes while feeling a little nervous inside. I didn’t know what her boundaries were. I didn’t want to make a mistake. Then in came G and she knew what to do. There were no boundaries. G saw this little girl as her friend- there were no disabilities. I watched them laugh and play and carry on. It brought tears to my eyes. How wrong I was to judge this little girls abilities. Then the girls wanted to use the slide. I was hesitant, but I didn’t want to stop the girls from playing- they seemed to know what they were doing. I watched Gracie go down the slide first and when she got to the bottom and her feet hit the ground she looked up at her friend and said “ok hang on I’m coming!” She ran and got the walker and put it at the bottom of the slide and then said “okay ready!” She didn’t miss a beat. No one asked her to help her friend- she just proudly did it. When other little girls asked what was wrong with her friend she would say “nothing! She uses this to help her.” My girl G taught me something’s that day. She made my heart smile. I was all kinds of proud of the little lady she has become. She knows how to be a friend, she sees through what others see, and she never lets anything stop her from having fun.

That moment was one I will never forget. Making memories is good. The girls sometimes drive me crazy with their strange sayings- but here is what I want to hold on to and never forget.

- O currently slaps her head and says “I’m dead” whenever you ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do or you give her information that she doesn’t like.

- G walks around saying “oh bots!” when something happens to her like she forgot to pick up something I asked her to.

- The babies sleep in pack-n-plays during naptime and G refers to them as their “nest”.

- O no longer likes to wear anything in her hair. She hates when I do her hair and will tell me “I don’t like how you part it!” When did she grow up and get an opinion about how her hair should be parted? It makes me all kinds of sad and frustrated that the days of me doing her hair are long gone.

Memories, memories where does the time go. I will hang on to this stuff because tomorrow it could be gone. What kind of things are you guys hanging on to? Friday is just around the corner and I'm so ready!

So What! Wednesday

I’m linking up with Shannon for another round of So What! Wednesday.  This week I’m saying So What if . . .

- I ate 5 pieces of bread yesterday. Carb overload!

- I let my kitchen fall apart with messiness all.day.long and clean up right before my husband gets home.

- I didn’t go to the grocery store Monday night like I should of, so G had a rummage of things for lunch yesterday including applesauce which I made her take a few bites of even though I know she doesn’t enjoy it.

- I started counting down the days till June 1^st on my calendar. I love the babies, but I am so ready to be done watching them.

- I no longer ask G “what’s wrong” when I hear her crying- I just tell her to stop. She whines/cries so much it makes it hard to care when something bad actually does happens.

-I get semi obsessed with The Real Housewives’ series and I’m so thankful they make the seasons back to back.

- I’m so happy spell check exists because I ALWAYS seem to spell Wednesday and answer wrong.

Happy Hump Day!

Husband Love With a Side of Weekend

Friday I got some news about a family member that brought with it utter gut-wrenching sadness. I am choosing not to share any details about it on my little slice of the internet, but I am choosing to share my feelings and yes, it is connected to the letter I wrote on Friday. Which by the way was from a place of anger and pain I didn’t even know I had in me. I usually re-read and correct my posts, but the letter I couldn’t bring myself to re-read. Thanks for everyone’s kind words.

This kind of sadness made me realize how thankful I am for my husband. My love for him is something fierce. We may not agree when or when not the shrubs need trimmed, how short to cut O&G’s nails or when to unpack a suit case, but we do agree on how to love, and this man- he does it right. He came through for me when I needed it, leaving his friends on a whim. He may not always know the right thing to say or do, but this weekend when sadness got the best of me he came through with listening ears and an open heart, and for that I am forever grateful.

Support of others and a busy weekend was able to pull me out and through my sadness. I leave you with my weekend through pictures (and some words). Happy Monday- may this week go by super fast!

G's Girl Scout ice cream social Friday

Luncheon and fashion show with my MIL on Saturday

Neighborhood pig roast Saturday

Sunday breakfast is the best kind- thanks to my husband.

Sunday Morning- I sure do love this show and have missed it for the past 3ish weeks.

Pa and Grandma gave the girls a fun gift! 

We went to a baseball game with my in-laws. It was cold, but super fun!

G caught a baseball, well it was rolled to her. She was super excited!

Dear . . .

Dear Ass Wipe,

Yesterday was a new low even for you. After a long time of zero communication yesterday was a break through, a shinny glimmer of hope, an end to the fucked cycle. And just when I was ready to wave the white flag and surrender you did the same thing you always do. You asked that God forsaken question. For fuck sake! Why do you do this to me?!?! Why do you do this to yourself?!?! I wish I could say I was done with you. I wish I could say I was done emotionally tormenting myself. I wish you were different. But you’re not, so now I am left to ponder what my next move is. Do I help? Do I let you go? Will things always turn out the same fucked way? I hate you for what you do to me. I hate you for everything you represent and fail to come through on. I wish I didn’t need you. I wish I could move on, but because I can’t you can expect a package for me. Apparently I never learn.

Your one and only,

L

*********************

Now that I got that out I can move on to happier things! I am so excited for all things that are weekend! The weekend is everything I love in life. This weekend should be another packed one, but full of great moments. Happy Friday everyone! May this weekend be full of many happy moments! Now I leave you with my favorite moment this week. The girls played outside with bubbles. They were fight free and happy for a full 30 mintues playing with their new bubbles from Easter. It was blissful!

Another Blog Award?!?!

I got another blog award yesterday! I’m so excited I could just dance, but I will spare you all from that because I promise I got zero rhythm. Sharee from Mom FITting it all in nominated me and since I was just recently thinking about a few of the new blogs I have come across I love that this award fell in my lap- perfect timing.

The blogs I choose to nominate are . . .

Jess @ Dude and Three. Jess has been blogging for some time now, but she has a new blog up and running and I wanted to send some love her way.

Jill @ All About Jillzy. Jill is a good friend of mine. Our girls are what brought us together. She gives great advice and I love her for that.

Brandy @ A Little Bit of Brandy. Brandy is someone who is new on my blogger reader, but she has a great blog going and one that I enjoy seeing new posts pop up on my reader.

Crystal @ Life As a Seed. Crystal is also newer on my blogger reader. I am just getting to “know” her better because her blog posts haven’t been showing up in my reader L. She is getting ready to close on a new house and I love that she is taking her readers through her journey (I’m a sucker for pictures).

(Since I just received another one of these awards 2 weeks ago I am deciding to break the rules and only nominated four lovely ladies instead of five. I know- rule breaker right here.)

The rules for accepting this award is at the bottom of this post. Now to finish my award duties here are five random facts about me.

1.       My bedroom is the messiest area in my house. It has always been like this no matter where I have lived. I like to keep everything else in my house clean and my bedroom is kind of the throw all place (which drives my husband nuts).

2.       I only like “fancy” coffee. So when I’m home I drink green tea and when I’m out and about I order a latte OR my new favorite is a chai tea latte!

3.       I love black and white photos.

4.       I haven’t worn contacts since my wedding day. I ran out and then got new glasses so I just never ordered more contacts. But I honestly only enjoy wearing my glasses at home. When I am out and actually have make-up and real clothes on I would prefer contacts, so sometimes I just chose to not be able to see.

5.       I don’t care for chocolate very much. I mean don't get me wrong- I would totally eat chocolate if it was around, but I would much rather eat a fruity candy.

Thanks again to Sharee for nominating me for another Liebster Award! It felt like Christmas morning when I opened my email letting me know I had been nominated (again). Have a happy happy Thursday!

*******************
Liebster Award Rules:

-Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.

- Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.

- Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.

- Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed.

- Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

So What! Wednesday

I’m back for another So What! Wednesday.  I LOVE Wednesday’s now because of this and because it’s hump day! Here’s what I’m saying So What! to this week :

So What if . . .

- I bought the wrong kind of frozen strawberries for my smoothie, so yesterday my smoothie had strawberries loaded in sugar. Just an FYI the word sugar on the package was super teeny tiny.

-I started wearing headbands again like All.The.Time. I guess I should invest in some new ones.

- I am actually considering going to the store to buy headbands that break my hair off.

- I said I was done blogging about weight loss and I’m at it again.

- I went to Old Navy to get O summer clothes using my $30 Old Navy cash and ended up spending WAY more. Who the hell can buy clothes for $60?

- I fail at putting on Girl Scout patches. Every month G earns a new patch and it takes me till the day of the meeting the next month to get the patch on only for her to come home with a new damn patch and start the process all over again.

- I use pasta bowls for WAY more than just pasta.

- I totally lie to O&G about going the speed limit. When they tell me “did you know the speed limit is 35 are you going 35?" I absolutely lie about my speed and it satisfies them.

Happy Hump Day!

Fitness Challenge

As some of you may know I canceled my Fat Tuesday post about my weight loss. After MANY weeks  of following (well sort of following towards the end) the P.I.N.K. Method diet and losing 20lbs I fell off the wagon and down into a deep dark hole. I have now managed to dig myself out of the hole and I decided to start linking up with L.C. for her 100 Day Fitness Challenge. I think the support from other blogging ladies will be something I greatly need. But don’t get me wrong- yesterday afternoon I found myself craving anything. I opened the pantry and found a bag of BBQ chips and went to town. Luckily the bag was literally just crumbs. Probably a handful maybe a little larger. It wasn’t until I stabbed the roof of my mouth with one of the chips that I came out the food trans I was in and said wake the fuck up Lindsay you don’t even like these chips! I then found my phone and got a myfitnesspal account. I found out that the chips really weren’t that many calories in the grand scheme of my day. I’m be no means perfect, but I am attempting this, and after several comments asking my progress I decided to open the gates again to share this journey with all of you.

Last week I went back on my “diet”. I didn’t follow it to a T like the P.I.N.K. Method required. I watched what I was putting in my body, got rid of alcohol (for the most part), and started making healthy eating a choice other than something I was being forced to do. I no longer have the thought process “I can’t eat that” it is more “I can eat that, but I would rather have . . .”. It was unrealistic for me to think I could never go out to eat, have alcohol, or enjoy a piece of cake or two during a birthday celebration. I can do all that I just have to keep everything in moderation. I am taking it one meal/snack at a time. Seriously. I am also trying to limit carbs, most processed foods, sugars, and drink 102oz of water a day. I will slowly add exercising as it becomes necessary.

So here are my short term goals. I want to lose 20lbs. I started this 197.6lbs. Last week I lost 7lbs only to gain 3lbs back on Sunday. Seriously. I had the great donut fall of 2012 happen to me. Kelly brought home a dozen donuts for breakfast Sunday morning (something we NEVER do), and I seriously ate 6 possibly 7 donuts myself. Epic fail. So like I said not perfect, but trying to do better. Anyway my goals are simple:

1.       Lose 20lbs to weigh in at 176 (I will think about taking off the other 20 to get to 156 once I hit 176)

2.       Get in shape enough to be able to walk upstairs without feeling like I ran a marathon

Here are my before pictures (that I took last Monday). I hope to have after photos when I see some progress (sorry about the tooth paste on the mirror).

197.8

197.8

Weekend Rundown

My weekend exploded with events, but it really just felt like I blinked and it was over. I just need one day that is not cram packed with shit. Maybe next weekend? Friday night I ran every errand I needed to do Monday through Friday and didn’t have a chance. I even set out to buy a new spring/summer bag (I call them bags, but some refer to them as purses or pocketbooks), but after looking nothing I was finding was cute enough to buy. Isn’t that life though- I actually had money to get a bag and then nothing was appealing. Whenever I don’t have the extra money to spend on a bag ALL bags look so appealing I’m drooling in the store.

Saturday Olivia had a soccer game in the pouring rain, but her team won! Gracie and I did not attend (I don’t do rain). I had a bridal shower to attend Saturday afternoon which means I had to do my hair so I didn’t scare anyone with my nastiness. Here is my before flat iron and after just in case you were curious.

BEFORE

AFTER

Ever since being married anything wedding brings tears to my eyes. It’s such a happy time and it goes by so fast! I just feel so happy for the couple and part of me wants to go back to that time in my life and suck it all in because the moment passes too quickly.

Saturday evening we took the girls out to dinner. Since I was all dressed up from the shower Olivia asked if they could wear something fancy as well. This is what they came up with. Gracie is wearing Olivia’s flower girl dress from our wedding.

We ended up at a Japanese Steakhouse. We have taken the girls to one of these before but it had been a LONG time. The girls really enjoyed the food and the fire, but more when it was the volcano and not the gigantic explosion at the beginning.

O FELT GROWN UP HOLDING MY BAG

THE GIRLS GOT PRETTY GOOD WITH THE CHOP STICKS

THE SOUP WAS A BIG HIT, AND THEY PROVIDED ICE WITHOUT US ASKING (SCORE!)

REACTION TO THE FIRE (OLIVIA WAS STANDING BEHIND ME) PRICLESS.

VOLCANO

Sunday was Gracie’s 6^th Birthday party. She had lots of fun and it was great to be able to get all her friends together. I must say the best part of Birthdays is lugging all the gifts home and after they are unwrapped opening all the toys while the girls stand over me and ask if I’m almost done yet. Fun times.

We ended the weekend with yet another meal out, laundry, playing with new toys, Kelly cooking me my food for the week (thanks babe), and Gracie having a massive melt down over a fly being in the house. After we finally got her calmed down she sang “shoo fly don’t bother me” the entire time she put her pajamas on. I know I will be able to look back on this crazy time of bug fears and laugh but at this moment I’m sooooooo ready for it to be over!

Happy Monday!

Ultimate Blog Party

If you’re new here thanks for stopping by (if you’re not just totally ignore this post because you guys already know me)! I am a stay at home step-mama to two beautiful little girls (Olivia 8 & Gracie 6). I use my little slice of the internet to talk about what’s going on in family life and stuff that is just going on with me as well. Click around- see if anything peaks your interest. Thanks so much for stopping by and I hope to get a few new blogs in my reader by joining this Ultimate Blog Party!

Just 'text me'

I remember when I never sent anyone a text message for any reason. In 2006/2007 when text messaging was just coming on my radar it used to annoy me when my friends would send me a text message. I would quickly pick up the phone to call them only for them NOT TO AWNSER! WTF! Seriously?!?! Then I would get another text message saying things like ‘at the movies’ OR ‘busy will call l8tr’.  I used to not understand text messaging. I used to think that if you have something to say just pick up the damn phone and call me! That was then. Now I prefer a text message. I no longer say ‘call me we will figure it out’ I now say ‘text me’ as I think in my head ‘if you call me the likely hood of me picking up the phone is zero. Even though I have that thought it GREATLY irritates me when my brother, Eric, won’t pick up my phone calls even though I know his phone is always attached to him. Eric if you’re reading this it seriously bothers me PICK UP YOUR PHONE.

Yesterday at breakfast Olivia casually slid in a few comments during our usual breakfast conversation.

Me: How did you sleep last night?

Olivia: Good. I was thinking I was really wanting an iphone.

Me: I’m glad you slept well.

Olivia: The tooth fairy came last night and left me $1.50!!!

Me: Wow that’s so awesome!

Olivia: Well an iphone or a computer would do.

Me: You know you have to be a teenager before you get an iphone

Olivia: I know like 10 years old would be good.

Me: More like 13 years old

Olivia: Well I was thinking 10 sounded good.

As you can see I wasn’t really getting through to her and the question of when do we get the girls a phone seems to be in the back of our minds (like way back). Would getting Olivia an iphone resort to having conversations with her through text? Things like:

Me: It’s dinner time

Olivia: K

Me: Put down the phone and come eat dinner!

Would that happen? I sure hope not. But most of my conversations with people seem to be happening through text messaging these days. My husband almost never calls me and honestly I only call him if I need to get a message to him that is too long to text or I just feel like bothering him because I’m craving grown up conversation. When I first met my husband in 2008 he apparently didn’t text, but sorta told me he did. Later I found out he went hugely over the allotted time her had with his cell provider for text messaging and he quickly went to unlimited. Now he texts all.the.time. My most favorite time he texts is when he is watching a sporting event. So not only is he making me give up my Real Housewives drama for sports he isn’t even talking to me about what’s going on because he is communicating all his thoughts to friends through text. Seriously?!?!

I will say my text messages are getting shorter these days with my new touch screen phone. Gone are the days of my Blackberry where I could quickly text long messages without really looking at my screen. So if you need to get a hold of me- just text me. If you’re not so lucky to have my phone number then email me it‘s like a long text message. Love it.

TGIF everyone! Does anyone remember when TGIF graced our TV’s on Friday nights? I miss those days on the floor at my Mom’s house surrounded by blankets, pillows, and popcorn. Friday nights are special to me and I try to recreate my childhood through O&G.

Happy Friday the 13^th! Maybe tonight calls for some scary movies so I can scream and scare the shit out of my husband : )

Missing the other pink line

Some of you may have noticed I haven’t put the wine glass down lately. *sigh* No, I’m NOT pregnant and yes I AM still drinking. This period was the bitterest one I have ever had. Minus all the ones pre birth control and you could find me in fetal position on the floor from cramps. I guess I set a date and expected it to happen. You know just throw some fairy dust and shit on me and boom I’m pregnant!

The cards weren’t exactly in my favor this month, but yet I was still shocked when the other pink line didn’t show up on the pregnancy test. My period was off track. It came later than it was supposed to which made me think I was for some odd reason on a 30 day cycle. Also the days I was supposedly ovulating were all the days we were on our happy family vacation in Disney. So needless to say not the most ideal situation for baby making. And honestly when you have a sick one and a bored one all locked in a hotel room with you and your husband is MIA it does not exactly scream lets add a 3^rd like now!

We attempted and it was a big fat negative. But the biggest thing that was off is my weight. I didn’t lose as much as I wanted to and honestly I am 20lbs away from where I want to be when we I get pregnant. So we aren’t throwing in the towel, but I felt like tracking my ovulation and knowing the dates was kind of exhausting and un-fun. So at this point I’m am leaving it up to the pregnancy fairies. It will happen when it happens and hopefully I will get my ass in gear and lose a little more weight this month.

In all honesty I guess part of me was wanting this pregnancy thing so badly so I didn’t have to think about the weight thing anymore. Which is NOT a good plan. It’s actually a terrible plan. So we shall see where this baby journey takes us but I can say I feel for women who have troubling getting pregnant. What agony. I thought because the one time we “tried” two years ago and it worked and then turned out to be a big FAIL would be the case again minus the fail this time. Things happen for a reason (or so they say), so with time all things will come. Until then you can find my happily enjoying my adult beverages.

****************

G's 6th birthday was yesterday. Here is a photo recap. We started with a yummy breakfast, she opened her Barbie house that Kelly and my Brother Eric spent hours building, then it was dinner and cake out, and last but not least we capped the day with bowling. Sunday afternoon she will be having a gymnastics party with all her friends!

So What! Wednesday

I’m linking up with Shannon again for another edition of So What! Wednesday.  This week I’m saying So What if . . .

-I didn’t blog yesterday. I happily read other peoples blogs, but if I don’t write my posts in the afternoon the day before I don’t feel like doing them.

-I have been in a funk lately, but I totally get offended if you ask me ‘what’s wrong?’

-I ordered G’s birthday cake from a local grocery store which I never do, but everything she wanted was a licensed character.

-I totally gathered 5 dirty outfits for O&G and washed them so I didn’t have to do all their laundry.

-I turn on the TV to the Disney channel like all day when the babies are here and I think Doc McStuffins’ is clearly on crack.

-I walked around with 4 eyebrows last week before I finally got them waxed Friday.

-I’m back to rockin out my old fat sweat pants because my cool yoga pants have clearly gotten too tight. My legs are thanking me for finally getting the memo. 

Happy hump day!

**************************

Today is April 11^th which means it is Gracie’s 6^th birthday today! Happy Birthday Gracie Grace ! I hope by some miracle that Daddy and Uncle Eric get your Barbie house built by the time it is gift time tonight. We love you tons! Where did the time go?!?!

Blog Award! Say What?

So I have NEVER won anything before. Well I take that back, like way way back in the 5^th grade I won a D.A.R.E. award for what I wrote on what I want to be when I grow up(while being drug free of course). I’m pretty sure I didn’t accomplish anything I said I would when I was 10 years old, but I did accomplish many Mom fails and I found some people (besides my Mom) who wanted to feel better about themselves by reading about my fails in life. Which makes me super happy! So thank you to everyone who has jumped on board this hopefully non sinking ship. It’s been fun! A special thanks to L.C. for nominating me!

I’d like to take this time to nominate some blogging ladies that I happened to stumble across.

Lacey

Jazmine

Tiffany

Holly

Amanda

(If you are any of these above ladies click here for instructions on what to do)

Now that I gave some love and said thank you I would like to share five random facts about myself:

1. My favorite color is green. Seriously. I would choose anything green over anything pink.

2. I only wash my hair once a week. I know it sounds super gross, but it gets too dry and hard to manage if I do it more than that.

3. I like all peppers but green peppers and my favorite are red peppers.

4. I don't own any Apple products. Scratch that. I have an ipod, but I don't even know where it is.

5. I like to sleep in a pitch black room. This irritates my husband.

Weekend Rundown

The weekend started out with a very long to do list. We had to accomplish laundry, Olivia’s soccer game, building Gracie’s birthday gift, grocery shopping, yard work, getting the house in order, trying to squeeze in much needed alone time for Kelly and I, and of course Easter festivities.

Friday night my Mom stopped over to get her taxes done (I love that my husband is a CPA and can handle stuff like that) and she ended up staying for a movie (Bad Teacher gave us some laughs). Saturday morning quickly put a damper on my long to do list for the weekend. I have polycystic kidney disease (PKD) and for the past five years every spring I have what is called a flare up. This basically means I suffer pain in my kidneys (I’m not a medical professional- I just know it hurts like hell).  So I spent most of Saturday in bed with a heating pad, drinking lots of water, and taking pain medication. Fun stuff.  I missed Olivia’s first spring soccer game, but she won which is awesome (Kelly is the coach so he was feeling pretty good about it as well).

I did suck it up on Saturday night to enjoy a date night with Kelly. We had not been out in so long and I didn’t want to miss a valuable opportunity. We had a great and much needed dinner out at Eddie Merlot’s!

Sunday brought Easter. This year the Easter Bunny thought it would be a fabulous idea to hide the Easter eggs for our hunt the night before. The girls had a blast trying to find all 60 eggs and when it was time to open the eggs we found that most, but not all were covered in ants and a select few had these beautiful little things called slugs inside of them. What a wonderful surprise! G and all her bug craziness did NOT appreciate the extra act of bugs left by the Easter Bunny. After we got everyone calmed down and “rescued” the girl’s candy from being taken over by bugs Kelly and I had a good laugh about the Easter egg hunt events. I wish I had the bug melt down on camera, but sadly we were so busy trying to create calm in a chaotic moment that there was not time for video or pictures. It will be an Easter we will NEVER forget though.

The weekend was filled with family, candy, fun, and of course not much has been crossed off my to do list. My house is a wreck with Easter stuff, I sadly washed an outfit for each of the girls so they would have something to wear to school today, and Gracie’s gift has not even been taken out of the box to be built yet (I guess we have until Wednesday). Lately life has been kicking me in the ass. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been feeling my best which has created a grumpy mood.

Happy Monday! I hope your weekend was more successful than mine!

Craftiness

Sometimes I spend so much time being anti-mess that I forget about how much the girls and I really love crafts. When I was a Nanny it was so much easier to do crafts at other peoples home, but knowing this is my home and whatever they get dirty or destroy is mine to deal with feels overwhelming. So I love, love, love when it is just the right temperature to send the girls to the screened in porch to get their craft on.

I fail miserably in the Easter department every.single.year. It’s not that I dislike Easter, I just never know eggactly what to do to celebrate. This year even buying Easter dresses was no fun because nothing popped out at me. Nothing was so adorable I had to take it home. I did manage to pick up an egg table cloth at Target, so that was a start. Monday night I decided to go through our Easter bin in the basement and found an egg coloring kit. I mentioned it to the girls and they were all for it. Kelly was sick, so that left dinner, homework, and egg coloring to me. When I opened the fridge and saw we only had 9 eggs I figured that was better than nothing.  I boiled the eggs while I made dinner and decided to suck it up and let the girls paint in the kitchen.

These are the moments I love. I gave them warm eggs (who has time to let them cool? Oh ya people that plan ahead). O&G took their painting so seriously and weren’t even too disappointed that I only had 8 eggs (I broke the 9^th - figures). I let them paint their little hearts out and the eggs turned out great. It’s the little moments that are magical. It’s the little moments that I hold onto forever. It’s these moments that I’m glad I self-medicated so I could suck it up and enjoy every second of this moment with them, and in the end it was nothing a soak in the tub couldn’t cure.

I Got Nothing

My blog post for today went out the window after feeling like a single parent. Kelly has a 103 fever and has been bed ridden, so that left everything to me. After wrangling two babies all day, homework, gymnastics, soccer, dinner, and a late night errand I got nothing left. This is how I left my kitchen when I went to bed last night and I am sure not too much progress will be made today. 

Happy Hump Day!!!

Fat Tuesday (Explanation)

As you may have noticed my Fat Tuesday post has been “missing” around these parts lately. I guess you could say I am on vacation (that just sounds so much better than abandoned) from the diet. My personal trainer thinks I am currently starting said diet over again and that I am just following the no workout plan for 14 days. I know- sad. I don’t like lying. When I text him that, I truly felt like I could do the 14 day start and then I didn’t. I don’t have a reason. I just never started. I chose instead to start eating macaroni salad from a local grocery store that I sadly have spent time hunting down when they are out. The tub that it comes in fails to put the calorie and fat content on there so while I’m consuming all it, it feels calorie free. Sunday night my body started rejecting it. I got horrible stomach cramps and had some nasty bathroom issues, but I got right back on the horse yesterday (Monday) and ate more. Fail.

I have to say I do feel embarrassed to be representing failure to the world. When I created the Fat Tuesday post I was on top of my game. I managed to lose 20lbs. I am sure I have gained some (not all) of it back, but I refuse to weigh myself so in my mind I can keep thinking it is 20lbs. WTF is wrong with me? Seriously.  I started reading a weight loss blog. It was truly inspirational. I was holding back tears. This woman took the words right out of my mouth. After I read it I thought “yes! Tomorrow I get back on track!” And then tomorrow came and I did nothing. You know what I carried away from that blog? I took away the fact that woman worked her ass off to lose 60lbs before getting pregnant only to gain it all back and have to lose it again. Then she had a second baby, gained the weight back again, and is now taking it off again. Don’t get me wrong- I AM NOT JUDGING. I just think the process sounds exhausting. But I’m sure that is just an excuse. If I get pregnant and put on even more weight what if I am 100lbs overweight?  What will my excuse be then?

I saw a link for The Biggest Loser tryouts on Facebook. I clicked it thinking maybe; just maybe I needed something like that. Then I saw in bold print CONTESTANTS NEED TO BE A MINIMUN OF 85lbs OVERWEIGHT. Well I guess that’s not me, so then I felt a tad better, but then I thought if I lost 85lbs I still be in the 100’s. Like 105. Maybe that is me.

All I know is this. Fat Tuesday is canceled for the long haul. If I ever get my shit together I don’t believe I will ever have a weekly post on any future successes. It just feels to overwhelming to actually have my failures in black in white. I know my wrongs. I know how to fix them. I am currently just spending too much time enjoying food and thinking of excuses.

If any of you are currently on a weight loss journey I commend you. It is a journey and a lifelong battle. I wish you the best of luck and all the success in the world. Oh and if you find a miracle that allows me to change nothing about my lifestyle and lose weight please pass it along.

Pieces of the larger puzzle

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday. Yes, April Fool’s Day is the day he was brought into this world. Kind of fitting for him actually. Even though I knew it was April Fool’s Day I still got caught up reading about Kim Kardashian and believing it. I guess I had time to waste. There was no birthday dinner or even a happy birthday phone call. I am not close with my Dad. I am not really sure I ever was. Many things have lead to the demise of our relationship. Things I don’t feel I have the liberty to share. Things my Mother and my Brother and I guess my Father hold the rest of the puzzle pieces to.  But this I do know- my past was brought to light last week.

I am a child of divorce. I don’t like saying that because I don’t even know what that means. Some might say I come from a broken home, but I don’t like saying or even hearing that because I would describe my childhood in a way that wouldn’t come close to broken. But it is none the less still divorce.

I came from divorce and I married into divorce. Divorce is hard. Divorce sucks. Recently some changes to the parenting agreement for O&G have been made. Change is hard for anyone, but change for children is really hard. This week I spent some time revisiting divorce. More like divorce spent some time haunting me.

When we sat down after ending our wonderful week of spring break we told O&G about some changes that would be happening in the near future. Changes I don’t feel I have the liberty to discuss because I only hold a small piece of the puzzle. Kelly, Olivia, Gracie, and their Mother are large pieces of the puzzle in this story and I don’t have the liberty to share their pieces with the world. I don’t have the liberty to make their story my own. I try to steer away from divorce on my little slice of the internet. I look at my parenting relationship as a triangle (Kelly, myself, their Mother) and I may or may not have thoughts but I don’t have the right to share those in my From Nanny to Family corner. It’s not all my story to tell. And let me share this- I spent some time reading “step-mom” blogs before I started my own blog and if you haven’t had the pleasure of reading them  let me just share I personally  found them to be depressing and downright angry. This blog is supposed to be a diary for myself and Kelly and the girls. I want to remember the good, not the gray area.  

Divorce came to head in my life this past week, but also in a huge way with the girls. I found myself feeling shocked with the struggles O was feeling last week. I found myself trying to ignore the issues. Trying to leave the room. Letting Kelly do all the talking. Then one night I was cornered. Cornered with raw emotion, tears, and utter gut wrenching sadness. I couldn’t put this on someone else. I had to deal with O. I literally had to self talk and tell myself I could do this. I had to unveil my raw emotion so I could tell an eight year old little girl what I know.  My story had been covered and bottled and tucked so deep down inside me that I had forgotten I had the emotions. I had forgotten they could still bring me tears. For 25 minutes I held a sad tearful little girl and told my story. I sympathized with her, I answered questions and I fought back tears of my own. I had never shared my divorced family with O before, I never felt it was relevant, but in that moment it was gold to her. She held on to our similarities in divorce and trusted me. That was a power I have never known. I think I got through to her. I think I made headway in my own struggle with divorce and for that I am truly grateful to Olivia for breaking me down.

I hope these conversations will become less as our new becomes our normal. I hope I won’t have to dig so deep and that my own issues can start to become healed if I just allow them. 

***********************

On a completely different note- I wanted to share our weekend. It was the best kind, full of family, friends, good food, and of course drink. The weather was a bit on the chilly side, but it made staying inside make sense. It made the movie we saw seem like the right moment. It made our Sunday pajama day feel perfect. I’m almost sad for this week to begin- I’m not ready to let go of being home as a family but as this week passes it brings Easter weekend and that will be fun!

I hope this first Monday of April brings much happiness to all and is as stress free as possible for me.